First, listen to the song. Pray that the Spirit, will  bring perspective to our purpose here. And prepare your heart. It’s awesome!

“Til I See You” – Hillsong United

The greatest love that anyone could ever know

That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul

And till I see you face to face

And grace amazing takes me home

I’ll trust in you

 

With all I am I’ll live to see Your Kingdom come

And in my heart I pray you’d let your will be done

And till I see you face to face

And grace amazing takes me home

I’ll trust in you

 

I will live to love you

I will live to bring you praise

I will live a child in awe of you

 

You are the voice that called the universe to be

You are the whisper my heart that speaks to me

And till I see you face to face

And grace amazing takes me home

I’ll trust in you

 

You alone are God of all

You alone are worthy Lord

And with all I am my soul will bless your name

 

Oh, change :) Some of us cringe at the thought! Am I right?! Because I definitely have not always been one to embrace change in my life. It could be my schedule, my lifestyle, my comfort level. I like things the way they are. However, because my ideas of life don’t always line up with what God wants, He presses and encourages me into change. I’ve learned to be more reliant upon Him and HIS strength, that the stress of life and the strictness of “completing” tasks have slowly become less and less. I am continually learning that sometimes all I plan to do won’t come to pass. Why? Because most of the time I was working in my own will, not submitting to my all-knowing Lord. When I am reminded, by the Spirit, of WHO I am living for, I am brought back to my first love. Hey. face it, we always forget in the most stressful part of the day, why we do, what we do, and who we are living for. It’s not easy, but when we re-focus ourselves on His Spirit it all falls back into place.

 

I thank God that He NEVER changes! I praise Him that He remains the same, faithful, gracious, loving Saviour. His infinite grace and power never become dull or weak. I am at awe just at how He waits and prods and encourages our hearts to change. He does it out of love for us. He gave us His Son that we might get the picture of just how much He loves us! 

 

I’ve been reading in Isaiah, and the Lord showed my heart some things. I pray that you will be blessed in knowing our God is a gracious and merciful judge, He sees His children [believers] as He sees Jesus. He convicts us of righteousness, that we might live to our fullness and perfection through Jesus Christ.

 

Isaiah 30:18-19 |  “And therefore will the Lord wait, that He may be gracious unto you, and therefore will He be exalted, that He may have mercy upon you: for the Lord is a God of judgement: blessed are all they that wait for Him. For the people shall dwell in Zion at Jerusalem: thou shalt weep no more: He will be very gracious unto thee at the voice of thy cry: when He shall hear it, He will answer thee.”

 

I truly believe that Jesus intercedes for us in prayer. That all we do, we do for our King, and that when we truly ask God to show us areas that need change, when they are revealed, our hearts are soft and teachable and we allow Him to do a mighty work in and through us. I feel the Spirit reminding me of my Saviour, when my actions or tongue begin to stray away from my heart’s joy – my Jesus. I am convicted of righteous change! And He is very gracious to me, He pours into my soul, “I love you Millie. I have the best for you. Be prepared for change. Love it and embrace it, it’s my beautiful highway for you. Let me go before you and prepare you to walk in My ways.” Seriously, I fall in love with Him more and more, when my heart is open, ready and always willing. His love, increases my love for Him and everyone else.

 

So, we come back to this beautiful thing of change. My life has been a whirlwind, as I’m sure so have yours. I can no way say that my life has been easy or perfect! Sometimes things that I just don’t understand the reason for, happen. Sometimes I’m too overwhelmed to even get on my knees to cry out. Then there are the times of joy (and it’s so exciting because these times have become more and more!) where all I can do is cry out because God is absolutely amazing and awesome! 

 

I’d like to share just how much change has happened in my life just within the past year. A year seems to go by quickly, and when you look up, you realize just how much has passed. My time, is usually never on time with God. He knows the best for everyone, He is faithful to do His work, in His time. We have no concept of that really, because we love to put God in our own little time box. However, He works, if we allow Him to. He does amazing things in our hearts and souls that we could not even imagine! 

 

Jeremiah 33:3 |  “Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.”

 

AWESOME! This past year He has shown us so many amazing things, and imprinted beautiful truths of Grace and love within our hearts. God has unveiled our eyes and brought forth beauty to things and places that we saw as unchangeable or despicable. He has given us a LOVE for the city of Stockton, and there is no where else we want to run to because this is where He wants us. This is where we now want to be. This is where He will use us for His desires. It’s so crazy, and only God could change a heart that is on the run. That’s exactly where we were at, running. But He is faithful to wait graciously and reveal to us in ways that will encourage us to change. You just have to be willing. We had to come to the end of ourselves, before we could truly stand in His promises of restoration and blessing. It has to be ALL the Lord. Not, part me and my abilities and part God. With Jesus it’s ALL or nothing. 

 

This change of heart for us, also was the Spirit leading us to a new place of worship. I say this with the intent that we are ALL one body.  Church isn’t a club. The doors should be open to everyone from all walks of life. People should be able to come as they are, and encouraged to let the Spirit unfold within them, to teach them to discern the voice of the Lord within them. Let the Lord bring about change, not make people change before they come to Him. Teach them to test all teaching and preaching with His Word. If that teaching doesn’t align with the Word, we approach it with prayer and seek God’s desire for the situation. That we would seek truth and never become complacent in accepting everything that is told to us.

 

As true believers, children and heirs of Christ’s kingdom, we are one. We have many different places to worship, but we come together in worshiping the ONE who gave us life. Please know that we respect and love the people within our old place of worship, because God loves them so much! We just didn’t see things the same way, the Lord was bringing us change in our life and our vision was not the same in reaching the city, therefore God brought us to a place that He could use us for His glory. I believe that if we cannot truly be used of the gifts and things the Lord blesses us with, which remember are for His glory, not the “church’s” and not ours, we need to be open in allowing Him to move us. If He says “Go,” we go! We are, exactly where we are, because the Lord knows our hearts desire and the vision He has given us, didn’t align with where we used to be. He has shown us great and mighty things. Our minds cannot wrap around His wisdom, but we know that He wants the restoration of Stockton, and we are on our knees fighting and battling for this city! I do not seek to hurt or cause dissension within these blogs. The devil tries every little thing and every big thing he can throw when the Lord is glorified through something. But I praise the Lord that satan is a defeated foe, and if we just live victoriously, we will be able to stand when he tries to bring us down. Please remember that and know that my heart seeks the Lords will for my life.  But by all means, if for some reason you feel that what I share is not truth or contradicts the Word, let’s pull out our Swords, pray and have some coffee. God is not a god of confusion. He will bring clarity! If my eyes and heart are in the wrong place, He has always been faithful to reveal that to me through His Spirit, the Word, and my beloved sisters and brothers. [And even if you do agree with it, we can still do coffee haha. I love that quality fellowship!] 

 

Ok. I continue in change. It’s a beautiful thing, not always the easiest thing, but what comes out of it is always amazing. Sometimes it’s a change that begins as a tragedy, but God promises to restore and turn what the devil meant for destruction, into something beautiful.

 

Isaiah 14:3 | “And it shall come to pass in the day that the Lord shall give thee rest from thy sorrow, and from thy fear, and from the hard bondage wherein thou was made to serve.”

 

It will be a year, on Aug. 19th, that my world was shaken with fear and terror. It was a Sunday morning, and we were pulled out of church by mom because of a frantic and confusing phone call from my Lola [grandma] about a “decision” or something with my Auntie Neneng. My aunt had diabetes, and the worst I assumed was an accident or she was in the hospital with a flare up of some sorts. But we also sensed urgency and rushed to my grandparents house, only to be met in tears and confusion. “She’s dead!” That’s all my Lola kept saying, and we didn’t know what was going on. Immediately our hearts heard news that you can only ever dread of hearing. She was murdered, in her home that morning, back in Ohio. Her boyfriend’s father is the main suspect, she took him in to help care for him about 6 or more months before the incident. He is currently awaiting trial, but is in a mental institute at the moment. Please pray for his soul, that the Lord would bring someone into his life, to share the gospel. That he would see the lie he is living, and that the devil would no longer have a hold on him. That he would admit to his crime and be prepared for the natural and legal consequence of it. That he would accept God’s gift of salvation, and even though he will consequently suffer the legal ramification of murder, he can live his life inside those walls and be free from condemnation. 

 

Because of this tragedy, and my mind at that time not being focused on my God who is greater, the months after were filled with nightmares and fear. The next day I went to Ohio for a week with my mom, Auntie Jaz and my Lola to help prepare her home and settle affairs. We stayed at her house, where she was murdered. I cannot describe to you the fear I had the first couple days. I used to be the scariest person. I couldn’t watch scary commercials, let alone sleep and walk around in a home that my loved one was murdered in, a blood filled kitchen floor, from multiple {22} stab wounds. It’s freaky, I won’t lie, but it was because I had this mental picture of her, there on that floor and I couldn’t shake the fear because it was on my “top 10 list of real things I never wanted to happen.”  I had given in to allowing the devil scare me into a fear that the ultimate and mighty power of my Saviour was not “able” to handle this situation. I was focusing on the circumstance, not the my Creator, who is by all means MORE than a conqueror! I let my emotions control my walk. I became so unstable in my faith and not quite sure where to go from there. For a few months of fear I ‘forgot that’  JESUS IS Lord of all. That if anything, I needed to press in closer to Him, to be filled with peace and comfort and only He will bring restoration. 

 

Isaiah 1:26 |  “And I will restore…thou shalt be called the city of righteousness.”

 

Jesus reminded me of His forgiveness and the fact that He paid the price for sin, so that I wouldn’t have to. His desire is to seek and save all the lost. However He has given us free will to accept Him or not. He wants the man that did this, to know that He is God. That He can be forgiven and be saved from eternal damnation, if He accepts and believes this. My bitter heart was broken and I can truly say that my heart prays for him. I can’t get my Auntie back. She was saved and I rejoice in the day that I will see her again. But for now, she’s no longer here. God has given me rest in my sorrow. He has freed me from the bondage of bitterness towards this man. He has removed my fear. I truly am blessed that He graciously waited for my return to His heart. That He is merciful and He knows and understands my every sorrow, and has freed me from it. The memory of the situation obviously doesn’t make me smile really, because the brutality of it is just heart wrenching. But, I have joy in knowing she too is free from pain and even more so a joy knowing that my Saviour, although as heart breaking as it is, gave His life, spilled His blood so that I can know this freedom today.  The ultimate sacrifice is the cross. No matter what we endure, it will never compare to what Jesus suffered in our place. As brutal and wrong as murder is, it’s a sin that is not placed on any level, but just what it is – sin. Just like hypocrisy, greed, lust, and the list goes on, there aren’t categories, it’s just sin. To us, we like to put levels on sin. We have to remember murder didn’t cause Lucifer to fall in Heaven, it was pride. So repentance is needed in our lives if we think that our “little” sins,  are not as “bad” as the murderers, prostitutes or peta-files, we need to do some praying and rethinking. The cross, the ultimate act of love, covers ALL sins. It sets all people free. Hallelujah!! 

 

It’s a new day! Praise the Lord! I don’t know what will befall me this coming year. But I know in my heart that no matter what, the protection of my Jesus is upon me. I walk in confidence knowing that He has a purpose for my life here. After that tragedy, I was reminded of just how short life really is. I am here for but a short time. My life is not to be lived in vain, for myself, but for HIS glory. Shortly after that, we were led to our new church, that is equipping and preparing us for the ministry and outreach that the Lord has given us. We no longer see people as “people” but every possible person as someone Jesus seeks to save. I cannot walk by someone hurting and disregard the stirring in my soul because I am uncomfortable.  I don’t know what they are dealing with, but I ultimately have the answer to all their problems, it’s my Saviour, and He wants to be their Saviour too!

 

Ephesians 6:19-20 |  “[I pray] that utterance may be given, unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am [joyfully!] an ambassador in bonds that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.”

 

 

I guess the change for me is stepping outside my comfort zone and/or fear and truly loving people and seeking to share God’s precious gift of salvation. My world has been shaken, but my God is MIGHTY. He has poured into me and I know He is faithful to continue to do so. I pray that He continually overflows into all areas of my life, and none of it would go untouched for His glory. My desire is to share and show in love, truth, word and deed, that my Saviour is my Ultimate. He has given me a new heart. He’s so amazing. 

 

Ezekiel 36:25-27 | “Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean: from all your filthiness, and from all your idols, will I cleanse you. A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgements and do them.”

 

We have a very personal and intimate God. My prayer is that you know this and press in to Him today. Allow Him to move within your being, and navigate you towards His change for you life. I don’t know what it is you are struggling with. But I pray that you release hold of the reigns, stop being pilot letting God just be a co-pilot, and give it ALL to Him. We have made mistakes, yes it’s unfortunate, but we have this option right now, to repent from them and be willing to change, out of a grateful heart and cheerful spirit. When you really think of it, how can we not?! Just like He said in Ezekiel, He will cleanse us. He will give us His desires, we just have to be willing to receive them. HE is what will keep us walking in His ways, not anything we can do or even attempt to do. It’s all by His might and His power, for His glory.

 

I am blessed to see such an amazing change in my heart. I love where He has me and I have full assurance that I am where He wants me to be. I’m excited to share His vision with fellow believers and watch how God moves and works in this city. 

 

Isaiah 9:2, 4 | “The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light: they that dwell in the land of the shadow [it’s just a shadow!!] of death, upon them hath the light shined. For thou has broken the yoke of his burden, and the staff of his shoulder, the rod of his oppressor…”

 

God seeks to set the people of Stockton free. We are in the armpit of the Central Valley haha. But I wouldn’t change where He has me, because He has given me vision. When I didn’t have the vision, I wanted to run. He removed my stony heart and blessed me with my heart of flesh. He continues to work in me and I pray He will overflow through me. Wherever you are at, whatever city, know that God seeks to save it. When you are called, you are a missionary to that place. Be wise in always seeing the bigger picture – work, school, shopping, eating, you are an ambassador for Jesus. I pray that people in this city will see a light shining from within my heart. That it’s not because of an outward appearance but an overflowing of such an awesome grace and truth from within my heart! My heart for the hurting youth of this city grows daily. That they would find fellowship with believers who love them and do not down play them. That they would come to know Jesus, not religion. That they would not be influenced or hurt by the hypocrisy they see all around them. That I would be a light, by Jesus Christ’s power to love on them and build everlasting relationships and to impact them to seek and receive all the amazing changes that God has for them to further His kingdom. But most importantly, that they would know, understand and truly believe that God loves them unconditionally. And that His grace is truly sufficient for them.

 

My prayers are with you all. That you would also prepare your hearts for the change God has for you. It might not always start out beautiful, but His desire for us always comes to glorify. Through Him, our tainted beauty is glorified.

 

Blessings and Love you!

Millie